Thursday, November 27, 2008



Here's a little something to bring you a giggle to keep you going throughout the hussle & bussle of today!!!

You can only say this at Thanksgiving

01. Talk about a huge breast

02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist

03. It's Cool Whip time

04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst

05. That's one terrific spread

06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat

07. Are you ready for seconds yet

08. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it

09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some

10. Don't play with your meat

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Time Travel Tuesdays

Is it just me...or does 'time' just seem to be flying by? Can you believe that there is only 36.....yes count them.....36 days until Christmas!?!?!?!?!

Can you say "STRESSING OUT?" I honestly think that the older I get, the faster time seems to travel! So how many of you out there are pretty much done with your shopping? Anyone? Anyone? Brauers? Nope....not here. Every year I tell myself, "Self you're not going to wait until the last minute to do your shopping!" And every the last, myself & I go out shopping!!! Must be the adrenaline rush!?!?! Ya' & a few hundred of my closest friends running through the stores....yeah that's it....the camaraderie of being with the other procrastinators of the world that gets me going! So I guess, if any of ya' out there are like me....don't forget to smile & wave as we pass each other through the stores!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Funnies


A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple
Bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of
Golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls
Into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was
Rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear
End. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a
Golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of
The cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?"
Asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this
Looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that.


In Honor of Football Season....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

In Honor of Veterans Day.....

The Sack Lunches

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought.

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.

Chicago-to Great Lakes Base. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Iraq.

After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached Chicago, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time.

As I reached for my wallet, I overheard soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to Chicago.

His friend agreed.

I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq; it's almost like you are doing it for him.'

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, 'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?'

'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is your thanks.'

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars.

Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, and said, 'I want to shake your hand.'

Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.' I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.

When we landed in Chicago I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!

Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.'

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals.

It seemed so little...

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life,

Wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America'

For an amount of ‘up to and including my life.’

That is Honor, and there are way too many people

In this country who no longer understand it.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Friday Funnies

Monday, November 3, 2008

Time Travel Tuesdays

Let's see who remembers 'Hip-Hop', before there was really 'Hip-Hop.' I know there has to be someone out there, besides myself, who remembers this song & when it was all the rage!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

HALLOWEEN Friday Funnies

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:


Walking faster, he look back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.


Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.


He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.


on his heels, as the terrified man runs.Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...and...suddenly...

The coffin stops.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Oh Where, Oh Where....

Has Southern Fried Chicky been? Oh where, oh where is she?

Good news.....she's baaaaccck! Sorry I've been MIA lately, but between being sick, having surgery, making costumes for the girls, recovering from surgery, PTO stuff, becoming an 'AVON Lady' & just everyday life in general....I've had my hands somewhat full.....and from the looks of it, I don't see it slowing down anytime soon!

Surgery went well, was in & out the same day. Still a little tender in areas, but for the most part feeling GREAT! Which is a good thing.....cuz' I was really sick of being sick!!!

The girls are doing good! They both love school & enjoy being right across the hall from one another. Kaitlynd made all A's this past quarter & Kailee made all A's with one very high B. They both were on 'honor roll' & Kailee also received the 'Citizenship Award' for her class! Peter & I are both so very proud of the girls. They are also involved in the 'Daisies' which is basically 'Girl Scouts' for their age. As a matter of fact they will be having their 'investiture' (ceremony welcoming them to the Daisies) this Saturday.

Peter, has been keeping himself busy with work & now that football season is here, so is his Steeler-itis. There is NO talking to Big Daddy when his team is on! So much so, that he has now made his daughter a fan! She puts on her Steeler jersey, just like her daddy & refers to them as her team.....& occasionally will even watch a bit of the game with him. Kailee, will wear her jersey, but that's about as far as she'll go. What can I say? Big Daddy has converted us ALL to being Steeler fans. Yes, I too, even have a jersey! Not too mention we also have one of these!Well that about catches everyone up to date. Hopefully I'll be able to continue posting on a more regular basis now, that I am feeling better.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Funnies

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little MARK.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little MARK says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?' The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.' To which Little MARK replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the Wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

LITTLE MARK ON MATH Little MARK returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic . 'Why?' asks the father? 'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies MARK. 'But that's right!' says his dad. 'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'' 'What's the ****ing difference?' asks the father 'That's what I said!'

Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' MARK says 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little MARK, that's a mouthful.' Little MARK says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

Little MARK was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!' The teacher replied, 'Now, MARK, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-I-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow You to go.' Little MARK, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight', but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called! On little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.' 'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.' She said, 'Excellent, Michael!'
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little MARK.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was Pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!''

Little MARK was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.' Little MARK replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old..' The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little MARK answered, 'No, he minded his own ****ing business.

I LOVE Little MARK!!!!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

This Year.....

With the way things are this year....I might try this one out myself!!!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Surgery Update

Well, my surgery is scheduled for 10-17 at 7:00 in the morning. Suppose to go in that morning & be home by dinner that night......if all goes well. After today....I'm really wishing it was sooner, rather than later. Unlike most people, I'm not experiencing any pain....I just have the nausea & dry heaves....which have been coming on quite a bit today!!! I don't know which would be worse, stomach cramps or this crap....I feel like HELL!!!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Funnies

Jane & Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink & a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom & cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette & continues to smoke.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A Condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore & announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind if strangely (she is afterall over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a camel."

The Pharmacist fainted!


I hafta admit, I've felt like this pumpkin a few times in my life!!!

With all that's been goin' on....
I was so depressed lastnight, that I called lifeline.

Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited & asked if I could drive a truck....?

What was that all about?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

I'm A MESS!!!

So I think I mentioned that I haven't been feeling all that great lately.....actually for almost the past 3 weeks. I was experiencing nausea, dry heaves, fatigue.....nope NOT pregnant. All the symptoms, but NOT!!! When I realized that I wasn't pregnant, but was still having symptoms I decided to make an appointment with my doctor. Went it, explained the symptoms & the good doctor had me take a pregnancy test (just to be safe) & also sent me for a full bloodwork up. Well after getting the results of my tests, NOT PREGNANT & finding out that my liver enzymes were elevated......he then sent me back for some additional blood work. When I went in for the results, he explained to me that he thought that I might have had Hepatitis A. I explained to him that I had HA years ago when I worked at a preschool. We then went through the 'could be's' & decided it was in my best interest to send me for an abdominal ultra sound. Meanwhile, I get this major sinus infection & this thing pops up on my lower back. So I go back to see the doctor yesterday & he tells me I have gallstones.....hence the reason I've been so sick. So after writing me a prescription for my sinuses, an antibiotic for everything else & setting an appointment to talk with the surgeon for Friday, I think I might actually be on the road to recovery....or at least I hope so!!! I'll know more about the surgery come Friday afternoon, will be sure to keep y'all posted. Until then.....send me HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Wordless Wednesday one word.....PRECIOUS!!!!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Isabella Grace

Isabella Grace: 7lbs. 2oz, 19.5", Born at 7:36pm

So lately I've been battling being sick & am still dealing with a sinus infection, but this is just too good not to share!!! She is the newest addition to our Great Niece. Isn't she just lovely!!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Friday Funnies

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says,” You don’t know Jack Schitt?!”
Well, thanks to genealogy efforts you can now respond in an intelligent way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt was married to O Schitt,
the fertilizer magnet and owner of Needeep N Schitt, Inc. they
had one son Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious
couple produced Six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull
Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
school Dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt
divorced. Noe Schitt Later married Ted Sherlock and because her kids were living with
them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other
six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens
nuptials the Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodical son, left home to tour the world. He
recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, “you don’t know Jack Schitt?” you can correct

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Let us be thankful & not forget! Whatever your political beliefs.... I think everyone can appreciate the sacrifices & bravery of those on 9/11/01!!! As well as those made, by our military & their families on a daily basis.

Below is a poem written by a Marine that was sent to his father. In a letter to his Dad he asked that the poem be 'Every Home' will read it.


We all came together,
Both young and old
To fight for our freedom,
To stand and be bold.

In the midst of all evil,

We stand our ground,
And we protect our country

From all terror around.

Peace and not war,
Is what some people say.
But I'll give my life,
So you can live the American way.

I give you the right
To talk of your peace.

To stand in your groups,
and protest in our streets.

But still I fight on,

I don't bitch, I don't whine.
I'm just one of the people
Who is doing your time.

I'm harder than nails,
Stronger than any machine.
I'm the immortal soldier,
I'm a U.S. MARINE!

So stand in my shoes,
And leave from your home.

Fight for the people who hate you,
With the protests they've shown.
Fight for the stranger,
Fight for the young.

So they all may have,
The greatest freedom you've won

Fight for the sick,

Fight for the poor
Fight for the cripple,

Who lives next door.

But when your time comes,

Do what I've done.
For if you stand up for freedom,
You'll stand when the fight's done

By: Corporal Aaron M. Gilbert , US Marine Corps