Friday Funnies

LITTLE Mark ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little MARK.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little MARK says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?' The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.' To which Little MARK replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the Wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

LITTLE MARK ON MATH Little MARK returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic . 'Why?' asks the father? 'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies MARK. 'But that's right!' says his dad. 'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'' 'What's the ****ing difference?' asks the father 'That's what I said!'

LITTLE MARK ON ENGLISH
Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' MARK says 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little MARK, that's a mouthful.' Little MARK says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR
Little MARK was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!' The teacher replied, 'Now, MARK, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-I-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow You to go.' Little MARK, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight', but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!

LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called! On little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.' 'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.' She said, 'Excellent, Michael!'
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little MARK.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was Pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!''

LITTLE MARK ON GETTING OLDER
Little MARK was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.' Little MARK replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old..' The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little MARK answered, 'No, he minded his own ****ing business.

I LOVE Little MARK!!!!!

This Year.....

With the way things are this year....I might try this one out myself!!!

Surgery Update

Well, my surgery is scheduled for 10-17 at 7:00 in the morning. Suppose to go in that morning & be home by dinner that night......if all goes well. After today....I'm really wishing it was sooner, rather than later. Unlike most people, I'm not experiencing any pain....I just have the nausea & dry heaves....which have been coming on quite a bit today!!! I don't know which would be worse, stomach cramps or this crap....I feel like HELL!!!