Insecurities

I thought it would be quite some time before I ever heard the words "I hate you, Mommy." Unfortunately that was not the case.....just the other night in fact my little darling was so upset with me, that she did in fact say those words....well technically "wrote them" down on a piece of paper & handed it to me because she wasn't talking to me. None the less it still had that effect of where you can't breathe, like someone punching you right in the gut & knocking the wind right out of you! Where, oh where, did my little girl learn to say something so mean?!?! We don't talk like that at home....even when I get angry....I always try to make a point of telling them that, I love them, but I'm not happy with the way they are acting or with what they're doing. Even the other night in the midst of my hurt, I made a point of going into her room & letting her know that "I love her."
It's times like these I wish I had a manuel to refer to. It's sooo.... hard to know what to do & have all the right answers in handling the situations that are thrown into our path of life. I find myself, questioning my decisions & feeling insecure.... I NEVER knew that being a "mom" would be so hard!!! I remember growing up & telling my mom that all I want to do is be a " wife & mommy." Now that I am, I find that I ask myself, "self, what were you thinking?"
I'm sure my mom, like most of us had her challenges to deal with, but in my mind, she always seemed to make it look so easy! The house was clean, our lunches made, the house filled with the aroma of fresh baked cookies or bread, dinner on the table when my dad came home.....etc. I never really remember my mom feeling as if she couldn't handle things or so overwhelmed.(Well at least not until we were all teenagers.) In my mind, my mom was (and is) my SUPERHERO!!! I can honestly say that in becoming a mom, I have found a new respect & admiration for my mother!!!! I can only hope that I can continue to learn & become the WONDERFUL MOTHER that my mom is & that my daughters will one day think of me as not only their "Superhero," but also their "BESTFRIEND."
And if I haven't told you lately Mom, "Thanks for always being there & I love you!"